Change is in the air.

Once again change is in the Air. I am certain it's for the best, although I am afraid that it will bring some pain. Is this how it works for all of us? Do people at some point in their lives just give up improving and growing because the change is so painful? I can definitely see it, I mean I know that throughout my life times such as these have always led to me being better and more content, but I also know I have it pretty good now and I have only had to sell out a little bit.

If by some chance you manage to stumble onto this blog, please let me know what you think? Resist the change and stagnate or embrace it and enjoy the ride?

The back story:

I used to tell myself I would see the word. I wouldn't end up as one of the many nameless, faceless, thoughtless consuming consumers. I was determined to be the best that I could be in all regards. I told myself I wouldn't live life fearing death or failure, that I would take what came and use it to my advantage and that most of all I would not be boring.

The now story:

Well here I am, I'm in my early 30's; I've purchased a condo and I have so many useless things and I am employed by a large oil company. Over the years I have been rationalizing this to myself, but slowly it's eaten away at me. I live a life of comfortable disconnection and the more I think of how my life used to be the more it scares me. I am afraid of change, hard work and getting hurt. I am terrified that the illusion of control I have built up over the years will come crumbling down and I will discover that I've lost my edge, my skills have withered and I will have to remain out of necessity what I have become, forever consuming and contributing nothing real, as this will have become my only means of survival.

I never wanted to be the person who spends money to find happiness. Yet here I am; in a few short years I have completely forgotten what it is like to just have fun without money. I'm missing the world because I'm worried about my mortgage. I fill out paperwork that really does nothing but help the other useless people do their pointless tasks ... Some made up rule says I'm essential, but you'll have to take my word for it when I say I'm not.

Buildings are erected, mountains are scaled, books are written, art is created, games are played, things are discovered, and I am witness to non of it.

Looking forward:

Recently things have begun to change, I may be out of work and in good circumstances. I am considering striking out on my own, to try and fulfill my dreams, see the world and create something that matters, even if it's just to me.

Or I can find another job. I am pretty good at what I do, and there is security. Experience has taught me that I will be unhappy, but maybe that is the price. Perhaps I should just buy a new product and shut up.

What do you think?